He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize