You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
