I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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