sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
