This is not my ceiling
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize