Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
