The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
