whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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