Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
