I want to have your abortion
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
