I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
