i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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