how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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