I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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