I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
