I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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