i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
