today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
