There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
