we're chasing vodka with high fives
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Send help, water and tortillas.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
