he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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