You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
