Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
