it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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