theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
