she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
