he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
