i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
