apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
