Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
