No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
