Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
