all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
