i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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