Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize