After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize