I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
