Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
