Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
