it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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