That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
