God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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