He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
