explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
