Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize