Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
