that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
