Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize