some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
