There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
