So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
