she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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