he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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