I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
