dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
