dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
