mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
