My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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