She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
