at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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