there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
