just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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