People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
