question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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