Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
