Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
