he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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