if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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