I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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