Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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