Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
