we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
